lamourimaginaire

Archive for 2010|Yearly archive page

Mistakes?

In Uncategorized on December 9, 2010 at 5:06 am

Last weekend i hooked up with and old flame so to speak, its a guy that i went out with a while but we kinda stopped, and sice every single time we met it was kinda weird, i mean we would say hello but nothing besides that, then on sunday BAM, here we go again.
And it was weird because i saw that i missed kissing him and being around him. Oy vey, why do i always find new things to worry about?

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Dare

In Uncategorized on October 28, 2010 at 5:24 am

I propose a dare here and now, i dare the universe to make me meet someone and fall in love, ´cause quite frankly i don´t see that happening to me, not again, not like i was once.
I only really fell in love true love once, and i got a broken heart for that, and a best friend, we might have our spouses in the future, but we´re soulmates, real soulmates.
So i dare, here and now, to make me meet someone and fall, lately i´ve been going from guy to guy without even asking ofr their numbers, just kissing, sometimes having casual sex and then sailing off.
Im like Meredith Grey, with the tequila and the sex with inappropriate men.

That´s why im proposing this dare, so i can leave the old whore behind yet again, cause i have to options in my single life, celibacy or casual sex, i tried the whole celibacy thing, and let me tell ya, it sucks, big time, having sex is way better!

So com on Universe, and stars, and gods, and signs, and whatever else is out there, The Dare Is On!! Lemme know how that works for ya….

Happy/Sad

In Uncategorized on September 26, 2010 at 9:27 pm

It´s weird you know, last night was amazing, everything worked out the way i wanted to work, the night was perfect, the party was awesome, packed, great music, great people.
All my friends there, everybody happy, and i found myself happy and sad at the same time, cause, evrybody who worked on the party had someone to share that with, a boyfriend or a girlfriend to go like, babe, it worked, it was a hit!!
And i was there alone, i kinda felt like Mark on Rent, when they sing La Vie Boheme, everyone with someone and he´s alone,
That´s how i felt, alone in a sea of people, i guess that´s what you get for beign a cold hearted bitch sometimes, they got home with their loved ones, i got home with the money that i´ve earned.

Still, a part of me would trade, that money for the moment of having someone there with me, rooting for me, supporting me, i think most people take that for granted sometimes, but people like me, who never had that, we know how much that hurts.

My best friend was there, and she´s getting married and i feel like im gonna loose her, and she´s the closest thing i have to that rooting system, i wish i could just enjoy the moment you know, be happy that my party was a hit, and just enjoy that, instead i mope because it was a hit, but i´m alone, kinda bittersweet in the end, to be succesfull in something, but knowing you´re flawed in something else that u need at that moment…..

Worst week ever

In Uncategorized on August 14, 2010 at 6:06 am

God, this last week has been hell, my party was a a dud, im really sick, i have to give a class tomorrown cant stop coughing and cant sleep, yeah im great!!!!!

something good has to happen, seriously

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i despise having wishfull thinking

In Uncategorized on July 27, 2010 at 4:19 am

Im having so much crap in my head right now, cant sleep so my brain keeps bulding these crazy scenarios where i win in the end, god seriously that sucks.
I wish i could meet someone new alredy and get this shit over with.

And the hating part? Kinda over alredy, but the getting hot part is still. a. go!

I almost fucked up my weekend

In Uncategorized on July 25, 2010 at 9:44 pm

So last night i went to a friends graduation, and met up with a bunch of people that i really missed, my school peeps.

And we talked and laughed and i told them about my recent heartbreak.

And one of my friends told me i shoul´ve made the guy break up his relationship for me.

I told him i couldnt do that and stuff, cause it wouldnt feel right.

After a lot of beers i got my blackberry and started to read my old emails, that he sent me, and god, all i wanted to do is call him, thankfully i didnt have his number, but i almost sent him an email.

I get so mad with myself when i think about this stuff, cause i consider myself a strong person, self control and all, but last night i almost lost it  alittle.

I promised myself a long time ago that i would never be this person that syas, choose me, love me, pick me! i think that´s horrible you know, to have to beg for someones affection, but at the same time i really want to be with him, i miss him, i miss that son of a bitch.

Wich is RIDICULOUS, cause we´ve met twice in life, and ok we talked for hours, the first time like 4 hours, the second like 8 hours, but even though it seems a long time it´s not , i think, but still i miss him, i never had this connection with anyone you know, that connection that you can talk talk talk talk, and there´s never that unconfortable silence or you run out of things to say.

All i know is that i need to get out of this funk, fast, it´s not healthy, really….

Ramblings

In Uncategorized on July 23, 2010 at 9:05 pm

So, i think im getting to the hate part, really do, cause now i’m past the whole ow what now, well now i lost thats now.

So i have to think about the after, wich is, geting even 😀

Yeah, i´’m gonna bring my inner revenge self out, but, i’m not gonna be mean to anyone, my plan is:

-working out- that’s right, i’m gonna get UBER HOT, by december, and let me tell you this, junk food? gone! worthless calories in alcohool? gone! (ok, what i mea is more vodka, less beer hehehehe)

-Finding me a hottie

-when im hot and with a hottie, im gonna do something that makes me stumble with the jerk so he can see how hot i am and how hot who’s is with me is 😀

i think it’s a good plan

I wanted an answer right?

In Uncategorized on July 21, 2010 at 7:36 pm

And i got one.

It was all a misunderstanding, he´s happy, happy and dating, and he just really happened to remember me, isn´t he sweet? ¬¬

And im pissed!

I know, i know i asked for it, but fuck him, why the bloody hell does he get to be happy?

As i said before my life is a bad joke, im the one who gets screwed every single time, seriously!

And he did something that really pissed me off, he said i was a jerk it won´t happen again!

Heres what i wrote: You dont have to feel like  ajerk ity was a misunderstaing, actually you´re not a jerk, i guess i just read something that i wanted to read, i dunno

Cause i dont want him to feel bad about it! why? cause im an idiot, thats why;

Here´s what i should have wrote:

To ……..

From: me

subject- bacon

content:

Hi,

Screw you, have a crappy life now

Thank You

Hate You / Like You

In Uncategorized on July 19, 2010 at 8:34 am

You know what? I hate you, hate you for making me think of you, hate for telling me that seeing something made you think of me, hate that you even described a conversation you had where you called me beautiful.

You have no right to think of me, you have no right to send me e-mails, you have no right telling me i’m beautiful, you´re taken, you´re with someone, so you have no right doing this to me, cause i´m trying to do the right thing here, i´m trying to be a good person and stay where i am, i´m trying hard to stay put, because what i want to do, really want to do is fight for you, is to say end you´re relationship and let´s try, but that would be bad, that wouldn’t be something a good person do, cause a good person does not try to end someone else’s relationship just cause i cant stop thinking about you, and i hate you for that.

At the same time i like you, and keep thinking of how it would be, and i´m really trying hard to hate you, to call you an asshole, but i’m gonna be honest and its being hard, really hard to do that, cause every time i start to hate i remember how you say hello, or how you blush sometimes, and how you´re eyes are beautiful, so it´s hard hating you, even when you say that you don´t believe in anything and that you hate some kinds of knowledge, when i can see that that´s not true, and how you make me think, and how my brain works near you, and how we talked for hours and it felt like minutes, and how i felt good around you, and how i didnt feel the need to be something im not, and how you make me feel mature well over my years.

And that´s why i hate you / like you, and i wish i could be a little more selfish and tell you to choose me, pick me, be with me.

But i can´t do that, so i wait, and pray, and each day try to think of you less.

Congratulations you made a fool out of me Humpty Dumpty, and now i just wanna know, when you fall, which side of the wall will you fall on….

Vodka and me, a love story

In Uncategorized on July 12, 2010 at 5:40 am

Ok i know i just sounded like an alkie with that tittle but it´s true, me and vodka are tight.

Take for instance last night, i was playing at this party, and i never drink before i play, i start to drink in the middle of the set. Anyway the set ended and i asked my first real drink of the night, a vodka tonic, wich combined with the 4 beers i had before made me a little buzzy, wich was great.

But as all love affairs vodka has a problem, as any lover i can get you a little pissed off, and it did, i got into a conversation that now in retrospect i shoulndt have, cause i sounded like a crazy person, but, in my defense, you never argue with a drunk person, specially if you know that person is holding a grudge, it´s just not healthy, period!

My friend decided it would be  a good idea to defend the latest piece of crap that treated me, well, like crap, ok not like crap, but not good, not right, not fairly, i got the raw end as usual.

Well lets just say things got  a little heated after my friend decided to go all like “one day you´re gonna understand, and it wasnt that bad, and really you´re overreacting ” to wich i answered:

“well fuck you, im not overreacting shit! i got the raw end, and i have a right to be pissed, and fuck you for not taking my side”

Yeah im pissed off at him, he´s my friend for fuck´s sake, he should take my side, whatever if im not 100% right, (which in this case i totally am!)

And by the way, this whole situation? my friends fault, he was the one who introduced me and the fucker., so come on! he´s totally wrong in not having my back. Wich sucks, cause everytime my friends was suffering over someone it was my shoulder who got wet listen to his bitchin, and trying to help him, and now he comes on all high and mighty telling i´m overreacting?

Yeah, cause he was sooo right when he wanted to kiss his ex at the party last week, or last year, but i´m the overreactor, next time he has a situation like the ones he usually have i’m just gonna say, well, you´re kinda overreacting don´t you think?

Well, going back to the vodka, after the fight, i went on and got myself another vodka tonic, wich just fucked me, i got all kinds of crazy after that, i can´t help it, it´s amazing, i got pissed off, then i was happy dancing.

Got home at 7:30am, and wetn to bed, wich tottaly backfired when i got the hiccups until 8:30am!!!

Result of my saturday: i got up at 18:00pm on sunday, with a major hangover and pissed as hell at my fucker friend.

Awesome right?